


Off We Go

by neighborhoodwitch



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Betrayal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 13:51:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19813621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neighborhoodwitch/pseuds/neighborhoodwitch
Summary: Arthur had everything, then he had nothing. All he was left with was walls of lies crumbling down around him and the inability to see through the dust





	Off We Go

_ His fingertips were turning whiteas he pressed them into the cold marble countertop. He could feel the numbness spreading, good, he wanted everything to just be numb. “You don't have to do this. There has to be another way.” He looked up to meet Merlin’s eyes, and looked back down at the unfeeling gaze he was met with. He didn't like this Merlin, this Merlin was cool and calculating. This Merlin didn't curse when he stubbed his toe on the coffee table, or trip over thin air while they walked through the park. He didn't smile so wide you could barely see the blue in his eyes or let his long pale fingers run over guitar strings with elegance. This Merlin wouldn't put Arthur first. _

__ _ “You know this is the only option. I’ve explained it to you multiple times, if you need me to go through the cover I-” _

__ _ He slammed his hands down, effectively silencing the man that was not his Merlin. “I understand your plan. I understand my cover. I understand it all. I'm not an idiot.” This Merlin didn't have smudged makeup under his eyes or color on his nails.”That doesn't mean I will do it.” This Merlin was just as beautiful as his Merlin, only his Merlin was beautiful like a sunrise. Promising the joy and light he spread just by being in a room. This Merlin was beautiful like a night in the dead of winter. Devoid of stars with only the moon shining, giving off a harsh angry light that fought with the cutting air. _

__ _ “You will do exactly as you're told, or they will find a different way to keep you silent on this whole matter.” There was the faint clinking of metal hitting the marble, through angry tears he could see their wedding rings. Arthur had thrown his at Merlins had, trying to get any sort of emotion from him. Nothing, he had just caught it easily and set them both down. His Merlin couldn’t do that. _

__ _ “You won't let them.” He tried to challenge, but deep down he knew this wasn't a bluff. His Merlin wouldn't say these things, but this wasn't his Merlin so Arthur didn't know who he was dealing with. _

__ _ “it's out of my control what's done to you if you fail to follow this request.” No. He did know he was dealing with. He was dealing with a highly elite soldier who followed orders, a soldier who Arthur knew nothing about. He didn't know Merlin's favorite color, or favorite food. He didn't know what his real smile looked like, or what he would do next. He was looking at a robot, a statue carved from marble so beautiful he was blinding. _

__ _ He wanted to stand up in refuse. He wanted to say he wouldn't follow their request quietly. He wanted to demand answers. Demand to know why this had to happen to him. He wanted to know what parts had been real and what's parts had been fake. He wanted to know if any of it was real. “Fine.” Those were the actions of a brave man, a man Arthur was not a brave man. Fine,” he wiped his eyes and faced Merlin, not his, not anybodies, just Merlin. “I’ll tell them what they want to hear. I’ll stick to that story as long as I have to.” _

__ _ He was just given a curt nod. He watched, analyzing every movement, as Merlin walked through their house and gathered things. There were compartments under the floorboards, which Merlin filled with junk once he had taken what he needed. The crawlspace he had always been told was too small to go in revealed a bag of necessities, like Merlin had planned on leaving in the middle of the night. All of this had been happening around him for the last two years, longer, it had been their entire relationship. Their entire life together was a hoax, a joke played solely on him.  _

__ _ When he had gathered everything Merlin picked up the wedding ring and slid it into his pocket. None of his actions showed hesitation, Merlin had no real attachment to this place. To this life.  _

__ _ He followed him to the door, watching and waiting. Waiting for a wish that will never come true. They stopped at the door, the neighborhood was silent in the middle of the night. Everyone had put their children to sleep and had gone to bed themselves by this time. There was a sleek, black, nondescript car waiting in front of their house. Arthur tried to memorize the license plate. “Thank you for your service, Arthur. You will be compensated.” He lunged and grabbed Merlins wrist when he opened the door, preventing him from leaving. _

__ _ These couldn't be their last words. This couldn't be a goodbye. This was all a nightmare he would wake up from, a three day long nightmare. His hand jerked back from the smooth skin, skin he had become familiar with. Skin he didn't know anymore. He rubbed his hands together to keep from pulling at his hair. Merlin didn't say anything, just looked at him with a blank expression.  _

__ _ “Answer me something.” He took Merlins lack of reaction as permission to speak. “Is your name really Merlin Ambrosius?” _

__ _ He was silent for a moment, Arthur's eyes scanning over his face for any tell. Any sign that he didn't want to leave. “I can't tell you that, Arthur.” He wanted to scream in frustration at the lack of feeling in his-his… existence. His Merlin put feeling in everything he did. That's what had made them so different. Arthur was supposed to be the emotionally repressed rich boy who came out of his shell, not the other way around.  _

__ _ “Yes you can!” He screamed, the tears resurfacing in his eyes. “Who are you?” His voice broke half way through the sentence and fell silent. Silent sobs wracked his body, leaving him heaving and gasping for air. _

__ _ “I can't tell you that, Arthur.” He had nothing left to say, there was nothing he could say to this man to make things go back to the way they were. Even now, knowing it had all been a lie, he would do anything for a little more time what that Merlin. Even just a goodbye with that Merlin.  _

_ He turned and left the foyer, he couldn't look at that statue for a moment longer. He heard the door open, and stay. A small light of hope flared inside him. Was Merlin not really going to leave him? The door closed. And that small light inside him was smothered by the waves of sadness that engulfed him. _

—

“Hey, mate.” Gwaine’s soft voice broke him from his thoughts. That had all happened two weeks ago, the funeral was eight days ago. “What are you doing?”

“Paying my respects.” He looked at the plain tombstone. A slab of grey stone in the ground with just ‘Merlin Ambrosius’ carved in. No date or birth of death. No epithet. No ‘was a loving husband’. Just an empty name for an empty grave. Gwaine was silent as they looked at the stone.

“He's not really in there, is he?” There was no shock or surprise in his voice, just disappointment. He didn't even seem sad at this knowledge, it was like he had expected it.

Arthur's voice was a whisper, silenced by all he knew he was about to face. He could almost feel the futures eyes on him, hidden in the shadows under a tree somewhere where nobody else could see. “No.”

He stepped back, leaving Gwaine to mourn what he wished in peace. He walked up the hill towards the entrance of the cemetery, he passed through the dark shadows cast by the ancient stone walls. Somebody appeared at this side, but he didn't turn to look. He just kept walking until he saw a sleek, nondescript black car waiting for him. He opened the door and left if open as he slid in. The door closed itself. It wasn't till they were far from the cemetery that he turned his head to see his future.

Sitting in the seat across from him, splayed out with long slender limbs, was Merlin Ambrosius. Except, the wicked grin on his face wasn't Merlin, neither was the fitted suit he wore. This was Merlin Emrys.

“One last chance to back out, stay silent forever and let all this disappear into memories.” He meets the deep blue eyes he had fallen in love with, and felt himself falling in love with them all over again. This time, with an appreciate for the black gilded in gold they hid.

He reached across and laced their fingers together, taking the flute of champagne offered to him. “Off we go.”

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! i hope you enjoyed this i originally wasn’t going to post this i just wrote it to try and beat some writers block but my lovely girlfriend read it and told me it was good so here we are. please please please leave your opinions in the comments and leave kudos so i can know if people like this sort of thing


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